Self-Doubt

All of us would have experienced this feeling of “self-doubt” atleast once during our lifetime. A sense of instability within ourselves engulfs us when we have self-doubt. We start doubting our competence, we start doubting our ability to cope-up in a situation and we even start doubting the decisions we take. This lack of clarity about one’s own competence can lead to inner discomfort and fear. We start to second guess every decision and slowly become shaky to take any new step forward. We may even step into a comfort zone often leading to inaction and procrastination.

What is the source of Self-doubt?

Fear! In my view, fear is the primary source of self-doubt. Fear of failure, fear of outcomes falling short of expectations, fear of loss, fear of achievements. Some may arise from fear of the unknown and some arise from past baggage or experiences. Our conditioning typically brings up the failure moments first to our memory for every instance and starts threatening us with everything that can go wrong. Talking of failures, we often commit the same mistakes, predominantly arising from our conditioning or habitual behavior and then we regret seeing the outcomes. I am reminded of the beautiful saying by Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!

What is the source of fear?

Expectations!. Expectations from ourselves and from others around us are the primary sources of fear which leads to self-doubt. Today we see in the modern world, children are pressurized with so much to learn academically and to also excel in arts and extra-curricular activities in parallel to their academics. There is so much peer comparison and the children are under constant pressure to prove so much, in order to meet the expectations of parents and those around. As adults, don’t we see so much pressure on the job front, the underlying pressure or fear in terms of proving oneself and sustaining oneself amidst competition? When it comes to marriages, we see the younger generation today delaying their wedding, fearing failure or rejection. So, the common underlying thread is “fear of unknown” or “fear of the outcome”.

Is fear any good?

Fear is not always negative. Fear can sometimes help to put things in perspective, help one to plan and prepare, to strategize, to exercise restraint, to execute mindfully and so on. We should not resist or run away from fears or avoid it totally. Facing it with courage and confidence is the best antidote for fear and that can dispel self-doubt from the roots. In Tamil language there is a famous proverb which says, “do not run because the dog is chasing you, stop and turn around – the dog will stop chasing”. Fears are exactly like that, the moment we look at it, it will stop controlling us, our actions and decisions.

Talking of fear, I am reminded of a time when I visited a famous Temple in Sholingur, Tamilnadu which has many monkeys. Devotees coming in to the temple mostly carry a stick in their hand to shoo away those monkeys as they would target the handbags looking for food or flowers. The funny part will be that, some of these devotees will be so afraid despite having the stick and when they shoo away in fear (stick trembling!), the monkey will simply snatch the stick! Of what is the use is the stick when there is fear?

I always believe that when you show love and compassion for the animals, however fearsome it may look, they will not chase you or harm you. They are also in some form of fear that we might harm them. Interestingly, when I practiced showing love to these beings (with no fear of course), one monkey affectionately sat on my lap for sometime when we were sitting near the entrance of the main shrine, waiting for our turn of dharshan. Then one more monkey got over the other lap! And I was happily posing for a photograph 😊

How to overcome self-doubt and fear?

My way of overcoming self-doubt has been to introspect and self-reflect. Here is what I do, I ask myself the following questions whenever confronted with self-doubt and fear.

1. What is the reason?
2. Where is it originating from?
3. What is the worst-case scenario?
4. Do I have the competence to handle?
5. Is the fear originating intuitively or is it just my mind creation from past experiences?

Reflecting on the above areas, will provide you with the answers for sure. It differs from person to person, based on their abilities, risk profile, mental conditioning, past experiences, emotional and karmic baggage and so on, but ultimately there is no outcome without efforts. Unless you jump into the water, you can never learn to swim. Be mentally prepared for the worst-case scenario and just go ahead. Inaction and procrastination are worser than failure arising from action.

Bhagwan Sathya Sai Baba beautifully explains that in order to transcend fear, we need the following 4 attributes: (Excerpts from Sathya Sai Speaks Volume 1 and 3)

1. Competence : Bhagawan emphasized that true competence lies in performing our duties selflessly, without attachment to results. When actions are done as offerings to God, they become “desireless” actions. Competence, in this context, means dedicating our efforts to the Divine and relying on His guidance
2. Discrimination and Detachment: The senses have to be rigorously controlled by discrimination and detachment. Discrimination guides you how to choose your avocations and your associates. It tells you the relative importance of objects and ideals. Detachment saves you from too much attachment and injects a sense of relief, at times of elation or despair. They are the two wings that lift the bird into the air. They hold before you the impermanence of the world and permanence of the Bliss of Reality.
3. Surrender and Trust: The understanding that God is the cosmic controller. Surrender involves complete trust and faith in God. When we surrender, we acknowledge that God knows what is best for us. Surrendering our worries and desires allows us to experience divine grace. It’s not about giving money or external actions; it’s about inner surrender and reliance on God’s will.
4. Grace: The understanding and unshakeable faith that the divinity that runs the universal consciousness flows through our lives too. When we surrender, even if we face the consequences of karma, we won’t feel the pain. Grace transforms our experiences and guides us on the right path. To receive grace, we must trust God completely and rely on His wisdom.

Why Fear When I am Here – Shri Shirdi Sai Baba

One thing is for sure, we don’t control everything around us. Just go with the flow and see what happens. There is no use brooding over past or over thinking about future, tomorrow will be yesterday soon and you will come to know what’s in store! Have faith and march on!