Mental therapy

April 2020

It was nine months into a new job in a new country. My co-worker, in her attempt to train, was micro-managing my work life. This was causing stress. At the start of covid, we started to work from home. The micro management worsened. It started affecting my confidence. Instead of focusing on how to get a job done my time was spent on triple checking my work to ensure I don’t earn her ire. One of her review points on a project was about lack of space in how I wrote the date in an email. I think this was a breaking point for me. It was a struggle to handle that level of pettiness from someone I was hoping to learn and get a break into a new domain.

These were the early days into covid. Companies had stopped hiring. I was spiraling with negative thoughts. My spouse reopened a topic – mental therapy.  I was not against the idea as it is. But there was hesitation. I was not sure if I would be able to talk about my lucid visions to a therapist. I was scared that he/she might label it as a mental breakdown. This fear was not a new one. From the start of my lucid visions, my rational mind has always questioned the possibility of a mental breakdown due to trauma. It is convenient to cloak an experience as mystical or spiritual and not question it further. 

Looking back in 2024

Mental therapy continues to save me.

Since I had been hospitalized frequently from a very young age with no visible cure to my illness, I had developed PTSD like symptoms towards the medical system. Not surprisingly, I had severe mistrust in the medical system. A visit to the local doctor, a visit to a lab, would reduce me to tears. As I was dabbling in new age spirituality, I wrongly assumed I was empathetic. This wrong assumption meant that I didn’t recognize my emotions as mine. 

Therapy helped me overcome the PTSD like symptoms. Slowly, I understood that a visit to the hospital or making a doctor’s appointment overwhelms me which makes me cry. As these symptoms reduced, I saw allopathy as life providing a solution. The division between allopathy and alternative treatments started to fade. It is duality that made me think alternative treatments like acupuncture or sidda or ayurveda are better than allopathy. It is duality that makes you believe one is better than another. 

If life is my ally, then whatever she provides is for my good. It is my mind that saw one option as good and another as bad. Once that clarity sunk in, it became easier to accept different types of treatments. And no, my therapist did not declare me as insane. 

Fundamentals of therapy

I encourage folks to see mental therapy as a tool that helps you cope with life. Chronic health issues, losing a loved one, being in an abusive marriage, mid-life crisis, having suicidal tendencies, sustained trauma in any form – are situations where mental therapy is definitely required. 

 Look for a certified therapist. Do a basic due diligence to assess the specialist. Check if, over time,  you feel safe to open up about your life. If not, change your therapist. Rinse & repeat until you meet one that feels like a good fit. Typically a therapist helps you process your experience, redirects you to yourself so that you can identify patterns you hold on to. The more awareness you shine on your patterns, these patterns tend to dissipate. A therapist is trained to actively listen. Oftentimes, there is only a need to be heard. When someone actively listens, we problem solve on our own. 

Include mental therapy in your tool kit.

-vengayam

Curious about the author? Read an introduction here.