Strive for Self-Elevation – Chapter 2

Suganthi’s Anger

‘He deserves a tight slap for what he has done! But if he says that he needs only her and not me, what can I do? If he says it aloud, what can I do? I just can’t bear it!’

This very thought made her lose courage. Moreover, her apprehension that her children have not paid due respects to her as a mother, made her silent.

‘I don’t have self esteem.  Is it probably why  children never respected me?’. In all these years, this is the first time she had such a thought.

Her husband is all! He is everything! ‘Wouldn’t my children, who have come of teenage years, understand that I am a mere puppet in his hands?’. With these varied thoughts, she served him food.

Suganthi’s mental agony

 He came and relished the dish from the dining table. As usual, he was smiling seeing something on his phone.

‘Oh no, it is not a mere smile. A blush is noticeable too. How come I failed to notice it all these days? That’s right, even if I  had noticed it, I would have thought it is because of me’, she smiled wryly at the thought.

However, she never felt like crying. Would she be able to stop herself from crying, if she starts? Doubtful!

‘Am bottling things up so much, has my brain got damaged in shock? Cannot be. If it is so, he wouldn’t have been able to comprehend the fact that he is blushing shamelessly thinking of someone else!’. She pitied herself.

Realizing the truth

 ‘He was hardly affected by her unusual silence today. He’s already living in his own world? But I have realized it only now’, she told herself.

As he finished eating, she disposed of the banana leaf into the garbage, she stood there feeling equally discarded.

When his wife got delayed, he kept honking his car. He hates waiting and always does this. Upset with the way he called her, she came and sat in the car with a broken heart.

He hasn’t changed a bit. But it is her mind that started seeing things clearly , realizing the truth. Maybe only because of that, his usual activities are hurting her today, unlike before!

Suganthi’s questions

She has been a good wife, good mother, without prioritizing herself, not bothering about her own needs, she lived her life, working every moment for them.

‘Why did my husband cheat on me? Why do the children not respect me? I’m truthful, why then is everything going wrong for me?

Although she asked herself many questions, she tried to know the answer for only one of them.

Tears pleading an answer

“Why should this happen to me?”. With this sole question in her mind,  Suganthi Sethuraman prayed in front of Parasakthi, melting in devotion, for the last one hour.

Seeing Suganthi’s worried face, the priest finished the pooja without asking her anything.  Mechanically, she too got the prasad and stepped out of the temple.

Her suppressed tears welled up and flew like a river across her cheeks. Her mind raced back to the past.

Old Memories

Sethu saw her in the temple and had married her with the consent of both the families. Sukanthi only had a mother. She inherited her father’s wealth. So, there was no lack of comfort.

Sethu’s parents accepted her as a daughter-in-law owing to her wealth alone. Somehow, they felt her wealth alone was sufficient for Sethu. As soon as he completed his studies, he took up a small job.

His father bequeathed everything to his younger brother and sister.

When he questioned his father, he was told that he was married off to Suganthi because she was wealthy. He felt his parents had cheated him. It was Suganthi who consoled him. When he mentioned that he didn’t want to stay in his native place, she convinced her mother and sold her ancestral property. She settled in another town with her family. She gave the money, earned by selling her property, as capital for his business.

Husband is everything

Ever since she got married, he alone made up her entire life. Even if she didn’t desire it, she never refused any of his requests. Over and above her children’s desire, she ensures that his command gets fulfilled always, without even realizing that she was earning the wrath of her own children.

The gift of her pure love was treachery! That too after 20 years of marriage, she was heartbroken.

‘How could you deceive me? How can you forget me? What wrong did you find in me? If I had done the same? Oh no…disgusting to even think of it! Where did this disgust vanish in you?’  The questions she wanted to ask him filled up her mind. But she had no desire to see his face again. How can she then ask him these questions?

Love turns into poison

If one’s spouse breaks the mutual trust between them, would one want to continue living? She also felt this way. ‘What to live for now? To live for whom?’ Live for your children. Her inner conscience replied.

‘He may probably get a better maid servant, more educated than me! Why, the one he is seeking could come and rule in her own house! The hand that fondled me has now fondled someone else? His heart that had me replaced with another woman,knowing that  I am mad to worry about what his body seeks now?’ Many more such questions. Her mind was not stable.

‘How many days is this happening? Who is she? He didn’t even bother about the welfare of  children? What would happen if they came to know? He has lost his credibility to reprimand his children!’ No matter how hard she tried, her mind got confused and lamented his betrayal. She wanted to get out of it, but as her mind wouldn’t let her do, her thoughts went in circles.

Although she cooked so many varieties of food, she starved, she lost her mental strength, and the body lacked the strength to bear it. At that moment, she prayed that her life ended at once.

‘Even if none of my other wishes are granted, please grant this one wish and take me along with you, Paraskathi!’. As if her wish was heard, a vehicle speeded by from the opposite direction. Her eyes blinded, feet slipped and she fell down on the road. At the same time, the vehicle also reached closer to her. All she could feel was the deep injury in her head as she fell down fainting.

…to be continued